My Secret Nightmare

I sink deep in my unrighteousness
It’s comfortable.
The streets fear me,
the falling leaves fly far from me,
when I walk, they make way.
They know me!
They know what I’m capable of.
I sink deep in my unrighteousness–
it’s comfortable.
I say to the man in the mirror–
I fear him!
He controls me!
He rules over me!
I fear him
because he makes me weak,
I trembled as I pulled the knife out–
blood clotted my hands,
it was not the first “you are powerful,”
he told me “now you have no fear,”
he said to me days became longer,
the empty house–
they all left me because they saw him,
they saw what he could do–
he gave me my desire
He gave me the life I thought I wanted.
Mansions but with no one to be with,
cars and yet I ride alone,
Money I could never use for charity.
I sink deep in my unrighteousness–
it’s comfortable;
I do not blame him for my greed led me to him
I want out but I do not know my way out
I’m in a dark room with no doors.
I heard there is a savior, I heard he restores
I heard he saves.
The man in the mirror tells me they lied!
Yet I wonder, can this savior restore the soul I gave away?
Can he save me a sinner?
still, I wonder if all were true if all they said were true.
who is this man? how could he love so selfishly
but if all they said were true, then I murdered this man
I mistreated this man, I looked down on this man because I could never comprehend a love so great
They said he’s everywhere so I asked
Can he sink my worse nightmare?

by Tilisa Mlondani 

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