Addiction

I want to be open, really I do!
I want to be an open book in your eyes.
With every chapter lies a mystery.
The more I tell you, the more I hide from you.
Believe me; I want to let you in.
But the way you look at me when you ask,
like a predator waiting for its prey to make a wrong move.
You see, I’ve done this before.
Like a snake, he crawled towards me slowly.
With confidence, lured me in with his lies.
When he hugged me, I knew I was not the only one.
I wanted to walk, run, vanish, anything I just wanted to go.
But you see, he knew.
He saw me and read me like an open book. He gave me what I wanted. He knew what I needed.
Nothing else mattered to me.
I love you, but I love him more. See, I can’t tell you that.
He called me names; he called me a whore.
But I was his whore.
He brought his other whores home, made me a voluntary slave.
I didn’t mind as long as he said he loved me.
He always beat me after drinking, but I understood him. His parents did the same for him.
It was not his fault; it was the only thing he knew.
I always ran back to him.
I wanted him to love me.
I wanted to be loved.
But he was not always like that.
He was a good man. In the beginning, he was everything I dreamed of, but something about the way he looked at me told me he was my worst nightmare.
And right now, I’m looking into your eyes, and I see that look.
And I can’t open up to you because I don’t want to do you like I did my last addiction.
I don’t want to kill you.

And right now I’m looking into your eyes and I see that look.
And I can’t open up to you because I don’t want to do you like I did my last addiction.

I don’t want to kill you.

-by Tilisa Mlondani

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